Jamie Otis knows the heartbreak that comes with miscarrying a baby. The Bachelor alum opened up exclusively to Us Weekly weeks prior to suffering her second miscarriage in four months and shared useful tips on what — and what not — to say to a grieving couple.
“I think like, at a personal level though, if you’re having a conversation with someone who’s going through something like this or has gone through a loss, definitely don’t try to say the right thing,” the reality star, 32, who previously miscarried son Johnathan in 2016, explained. “Honestly, there really isn’t an awful lot that you can say, but just listen.”
Otis, who shares daughter Henley, 16 months, with husband Doug Hehner , revealed her third miscarriage in a heartbreaking Instagram post on January 11, which showed the couple sitting on a bed and embracing. She shared that she had suffered a “failed miscarriage” at 10 weeks. The news came four months after the reality TV star revealed that she’d had an early miscarriage due to a chemical pregnancy.
Speaking to Us days before the devastating news, Otis said that “one of the best things you could just say [to someone who has miscarried] is, ‘I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m thinking of you and I’ll be thinking of you’” and that if the person is spiritual, “I’m praying for you” is another thoughtful option.
“It’s also OK to say, ‘I don’t know what to say but I hope you know that I love you so much and I’m so sorry you’re going through this,’” she continued. “That goes so much further than, ‘well everything happens for a reason.’”
The Wifey 101 author added: “If [someone in this position is] sharing this with you in one way, shape or form, the best thing you can do is be an ear. They clearly need to talk about it ’cause talking is just so therapeutic. Just listen to them and let them explain how they’re feeling and what’s going on. They just need a sounding board. They need someone to be able to talk to.”
As for something Otis herself has heard and encourages others to not say? “I think that trying to say, ‘Oh, God has a plan.’ I mean, I’ve heard this too, ‘Oh, you can get pregnant so why are you worried? At least you have [one child].’”
Otis and Hehneron giving Henley a sibling. “[We] have to wait a month before we can hop back on the trying-to-conceive bandwagon,” Otis wrote alongside an Instagram photo on Monday, January 14. “But honestly – at this point – I don’t even know when we are going to begin trying again. At first I was so hurt, but I’m almost mad now. Not mad, just frustrated I guess. We’re going to wait the cycle and see how we feel when the time comes.”
With reporting by Travis Cronin