After what has happened in the past, there is absolutely NO WAY this mum is going there again.
I’ve always loved New Year’s Eve celebrations. It’s a chance to reflect on the year that was - the highs and the lows – and make bold plans and resolutions for the year ahead. It’s a time to be optimistic and look to the future.
And who are we kidding, it’s a time to frock up, drink champagne and party hard with your mates.
As it turns out, I’ve generally partied pretty hard on New Year's Eve – and had some fun and crazy times.
I’ve also ended up with three babies thanks to December 31 celebrations.
I mean, I know how making babies works. Celebrations don’t make babies; people make babies. But there’s a general vibe at that time of year that just feels easy going and relaxed. It’s easy to go with the flow and get caught up in the moment. It’s too easy – for me at least – to make a baby.
So I’ve ended up with three September babies. Well, they’re not babies anymore – having just turned 14, eight and six. I’m hoping soon they’ll all have careers and one of them will let me move in with them at their beach house.
It's all a little too romantic. Image: iStock.
Number one was created after a summer spa party in a friend’s backyard
Number two happened when we decided to skip the New Year parties and – ahem – celebrate at home. Number three came along after a fun family beach holiday where the children slept in a separate suite. In each case, spirits were high, inhibitions were low, and common sense was absent.
My obstetrician told me September is by far her busiest time of year. (Why she scheduled in my induction for my third child the day before she headed to Fiji with her family is a mystery, then. It’s like a department store Santa scheduling a week in the Bahamas for mid-December.)
And now, with three children keen for cakes and presents and birthday parties in September, it’s now my busiest time of the year too. (I’d like to escape to Fiji too but apparently they’d have to come which takes the shine off.) I’ve just survived a princess party, a ninja party, and a moody emo party – heaven help me.
It’s not that I regret any of my children
They’re each an absolute delight and we’re a happy family. It’s just that I’m without a doubt, 100%, definitely done.
Protect that smile. Encouraging your kid to brush twice a day with a dab of fluoride toothpaste will guard against cavities.
'I've got my birth control on lock this year.' Image: iStock.
I’ve definitely finished having babies. My baby-making bits have shut up shop and are now just enthusiastic hobbyists. My ovaries are now 44 years old and almost certainly shrivelled beyond recognition, but when that time of year rolls around again, I have to admit to getting a little nervous.
And I’m not the only one. My mother tells me she’s never buying me champagne for Christmas again, which is a bummer but I get where she’s coming from. I wonder if I show her evidence of my iron-clad birth control she’ll reconsider.
So as this year’s celebrations roll around I’ll be reflecting on not only the year that was, but the crazy New Year’s Eves that have been in my life. I have plans to be away camping on a child-free break with my partner and I’m looking forward to it. There will be champagne, beach, solitude – and enough birth control to sterilise a herd of cattle.