‘Shh… don’t wake the kids!’ Couples share their funniest sex mood-killers

From kids calling out for a cuddle or walking in halfway, to your beloved pet watching on from the end of the bed - parents share their funniest mood-killers that have interrupted them in the throes of passion.

Ah, sex after kids. It’s just so romantic and long-lasting isn’t it?

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From kids calling out for a cuddle or walking in halfway, to your beloved pet watching on from the end of the bed - parents share their funniest mood-killers that have interrupted them in the throes of passion. And their sex life has never been the same again.

Get out, get out, get OOOOOUUUUUTTT!!!!

While we were expecting majority of our stories to include uninvited 'little' guests (yes, the kids), we were surprised to hear a lot of stories involved the in-laws.

Before having her two children, mum Tracey recalls a time when her sex life rivalled something out of a Mills & Boon novel. But there was a moment in her twenties that has scarred her for life and things have never quite been the same since.

“My ex lived with his parents and one night when I stayed over it was just his father home. We were mid sexy times when his dear dad, without a knock, walked into the bedroom. Lights dimmed, he could see something was up (pardon the pun) but didn’t react. “Sorry guys, I’m just after the TV remote,” he announced. “Carry on…” And then shut the door.”

Don't use technology as an emotional pacifier. Media can be very effective in keeping kids calm and quiet, but it should not be the only way they learn to calm down. Children need to be taught how to identify and handle strong emotions, come up with activities to manage boredom, or calm down through breathing, talking about ways to solve the problem, and finding other strategies for channeling emotions.

Carry on??????!!!!

Lynette also shares a time she and her partner were interrupted by her mother-in-law.

“My MIL walked in on us – into our bedroom without knocking,” she begins. “We thought we covered up in time and chatted to her for a couple of minutes, then when she shut the door I realised one of my boobs was out the whole time we were chatting!”

Poor Viv not only had her mother-in-law, she had her whole family waiting outside the door!

“When I was 38 weeks pregnant with my first, I had an intense need for a little action. We’d had a family BBQ and everyone crashed on various couches while hubby and I decided to retreat to the bedroom,” the mum-of-three shares.

“One of my sister-in-laws couldn’t make the gathering but said she would 'pop in' later. Of course this had to be that time. Hubby’s mum knocked on the door to let him know his sister was there to visit. He told her we’ll be out soon but she kept knocking, insisting we come out now and not leave her waiting! Needless to say we gave up and went to join in on the ‘family fun’”.

Shot of an unidentifiable young couple making love on the kitchen floor

And now for the kids …

While she doesn’t have any exact moment that is burned in her brain, mum-of-two Kate says she is always paranoid the kids will wake up during sex because she can get a little, well, vocal.

Keep sunblock next to your kid's toothpaste. Apply it every day as part of the morning routine. It'll become as natural as brushing her teeth.

“We're always like, 'Shhh... you'll wake the kids!' Once my hubby thought I was so loud, he put a pillow in my face, obviously as a joke. It caught me off guard and we laughed so much, the moment left us and no one got their happy ending. But it was sure was funny.”

Someone who also missed out on finishing was Penny’s poor husband.

“We were on a holiday and our toddler was napping in the next room. We had a couple of G&T’s during her nap and were feeling a bit frisky,” the mum shares.

“I decided to give my husband a blow job, because I am awesome like that. And just as we were about to get into it and he was very excited, we hear: ‘Dada. Dada…. DADDDDAAAAAA!!!!!’ from the next room. He almost cried he was so disappointed.”

As well as crying toddlers, we bring you… the sleep walkers.

Jill says she was mid-passion when her middle son came into the bedroom sleep walking.

“He came in asking where the crocodiles live and how we could get to the new Kmart store. I was so freaking confused! He then climbed up on the bed and went back to sleep at the end of the bed – that was the end of that!”

Respect parenting differences. Support your spouse's basic approach to raising kids - unless it's way out of line. Criticizing or arguing with your partner will do more harm to your marriage and your child's sense of security than if you accept standards that are different from your own.

Well, he asked for Kmart, so we've got to give him credit for that!

Dog in bedroom

The kinky pets and the adventurous

Of course where there’s a child story, there’s always a pet one.

Kerry says: “We used to have a dog that would stare at us the whole time. We tried to do everything to stop him watching and he would sometimes jump up on the bed to try and shoo my husband away – he was very protective!”

Donna also has a pet story.

“Our cat stares at us sometimes too. He looks at us with his judgy, fury face and I’m like, ‘C’mon dude, you lick your own butthole in the lounge room, give us a moment,’” she laughs.

And to end our horror stories, we give you Kinky Kiki (yeah we made that up, and you’ll understand why in a sec) who wanted to spice things up in her relationship with a few aids.

“I tried to tie myself to the bed with Japanese love cuffs in order to surprise my husband when he walked into the room,” she shares.

“I was testing them out, not yet fully unclothed and I somehow managed to get myself stuck. The more I wriggled, the tighter the cuffs got and I was stranded. Granny pants-clad arse sticking up in the air, hyperventilating from claustrophobia-induced panic attack and shrieking for him to come in and help me.

Know when to toilet train. Look for these two signs that your child is ready to use the potty: He senses the urge to pee and poop (this is different from knowing that he's already gone), and he asks for a diaper change.

“He was shocked, then amused, then horrified. But strangely, never aroused.”

Do you have a funny story mood-killer story you’d like to share? We’d love to hear them.

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