With Christmas Day looming, we need to start preparing for the inevitable Christmas drama. These hot tips will help you keep swimming until Boxing Day.
1. Make sure you only have a few sherberts before Christmas lunch
Your Aunt Tabitha doesn’t really need to know that you think she’s a barren old bint, or that your children still believe her acne scars are from the 666 tattoo removal off her forehead.
2. Don’t go into massive debt to buy presents to prove you love someone
If you need to prove your love with $$ attached I’d suggest a second look at your relationship.
3. Stock extra bandages/BAND-AIDs/ice packs for your kids
Just because they rode a skateboard once doesn’t mean they’ll be able to master the turbo 220 limited speed-star-killer edition Santa gave them. All kids f**k themselves up on Christmas afternoon ... They are, after all, just like little reckless men that have had too much booze.
4. Wear black clothes to lunch
Not only is black all sorts of stylin’ and slimming it also hides gravy and wine stains like a champ 👌
Careful with that wine! Via Giphy.
Listen to the doc. If your pediatrician thinks your kid's fever is caused by a virus, don't push for antibiotics. The best medicine may be rest, lots of fluids, and a little TLC. Overprescribing antibiotics can cause medical problems for your child and increase the chances of creating superbugs that resist treatment.
5. Don’t show up empty handed to any family event
Aunty Tabitha may in fact be a beeeotch but if she’s slaved over a turkey for four hours, you damn well buy her a present in the form of alcohol.
6. Have fun
It seems like a strange thing to say but so many people take Christmas too seriously. It’s a day for the kids to giggle, hug, love, fight over toys and play. It’s the one day of the year that everyone should feel a little bit of that magic dust. There’s 364 other days of the year to be serious.
7. Spend it with those you love
If you have toxic family/friends and can’t stand being around them, then don’t. Just frigging don’t. Life is too short to waste a beautiful day in a fight or having a cry.
At the same time, Christmas is also a great day to say ‘sorry’ and mend some fences. The top paddock might be awesome but it’s awful if you’re alone.
8. Eat what you want
Eat it all. I’m a sucker for pork crackling and can’t help but get almost punchy when other people take more than me. Is it bad for me? Yes. Am I going to eat as much as I can and pass out on the couch later? Also yes.
Let them read what they want. Kids who read for pleasure excel academically—not only in language arts but, as recent research from the Institute of Education, in London, found, in math as well. So while you wish he would pick up Dickens, don't make him feel bad about a graphic novel. "A 'junky' series can be good if it gets kids hooked on the habit of reading," says Mary Leonhardt, a former high school English teacher and the author of Parents Who Love Reading, Kids Who Don't.
It's Christmas, throw your diet out the window for a day (or week). Via Giphy.
9. Don't be a grinch
If you don’t believe in all things Christmas, please, for the love of God and all small children, shut the fark up. No one needs an actual Grinch to show up on Christmas Day.
10. Participate in hugs
Don’t forget to hug your loved ones and tell them how much they mean to you - isn’t that what Christmas should really be about?
Ho Ho Ho and all that.