'Is it wrong to want to spend my first Mother's Day without my in-laws?'

When you become a mum yourself, are you allowed to firmly request a day to yourselves?

Before you have kids, Mother's Day is all about showing appreciation to the woman who gave you life , or, if you have a partner, it might mean spending time with his mum so he can do the same. But, when you have kids, suddenly you're the one who is receiving the attention on the day. Does this mean that you no longer need to put in the effort with your mum or mother-in-law?

One new mum asked Reddit for their thoughts as she faced the conundrum.

'I would really like to spend Mother's Day with just my family'

"This Mother's Day will be my first official Mother's Day as a new mum," she wrote. "That said, it will also most likely be my grandmother-in-law's last Mother's Day.

"I would really like to spend my first Mother's Day with just my own nuclear family (my husband and my son), but at lunch with my MIL today, she basically told us what we'd be doing for Mother's Day and that we didn't have a choice.

"Obviously it's a little different with my grandmother-in-law being sick, and I had planned on seeing her that weekend but didn't necessarily want to spend the day with all the in-laws.

Acknowledge your kid's strong emotions. When your child's meltdown is over, ask him, "How did that feel?" and "What do you think would make it better?" Then listen to him. He'll recover from a tantrum more easily if you let him talk it out.

Unrecognizable young mother with her newborn baby son in sling at home, holding smart phone, texting

Picture: iStock

"And I felt kind of offended that she told us what we'd be doing instead of asking, especially since it's my first one!"

The woman goes on to say that a lot of her annoyance over the request is because her mother-in-law often insists on making plans for her family without consulting her.

"And whenever my husband tries to call her out on it, she gets mad and says "don't start with me." He's an only child so she kind of bosses him around."

"Do I just need to suck it up and realize the day isn't about me? Or can we compromise and hang out that Saturday?" The woman asked.

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Reddit was in agreement

"The grandmother is not your mother, and it’s not like it’s her last DAY," commented on person. "Your husband has a new family now, and new commitments."

"Fostering your MIL’s controlling behavior is not going to be healthy in the long run," wrote another person. "If you want to make this Mother’s Day live up to your expectations and desires, I’d tell her you already have plans. "

"Don't let her run your lives. Your priority is your husband and your child. And your husband's priority is you and his child. You three are your nuclear family now. You come first."

"You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they’re going." - P. J. O’Rourke

What do you think? Should you get to decide what you do with your Mother's Day?