Claire Holt Reflects on Miscarriage: ‘I Felt Broken and Ashamed’

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Claire Holt JB Lacroix/ WireImage

Claire Holt reflected on her heartbreaking miscarriage and how she felt upon learning she was pregnant again.

The Originalsalum, 30, opened up about her journey to motherhood for the Minimagazine’s spring 2019 issue, which hit stands on Sunday, April 7, one week after she and husband Andrew Joblon welcomed their son, James. The cover shows her heavily pregnant with her baby boy.

“Our journey certainly hasn’t been an easy one. When we decided that we wanted to try for a baby, we were lucky to conceive fairly quickly. I remember feeling so joyful and excited when two lines appeared on the pregnancy test early last year,” she recalled of her March 2018 miscarriage. “Sadly, we lost the baby late in the first trimester. It was devastating and I felt broken and ashamed. Because I experienced such intense grief, I found it very difficult to process things and move on. Thankfully, we were blessed with another pregnancy around five months later.”

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Holt also spoke candidly about her state of mind after getting pregnant again. The Vampire Diariesalum explained that she and Joblon, 35, felt “shock” and many other emotions. “We were both so thrilled. … I do remember feeling a lot of anxiety once the initial excitement wore off. Because of the miscarriage, I didn’t want to get my hopes up,” she explained. “It was quite difficult to connect with the baby and I was on edge for most of the first semester.”

She added: “After we were told that the baby was genetically healthy, I allowed myself to relax a little, but it was certainly a different experience than the first time.”

The former H2Ostar spoke exclusively to Us Weeklyabout her loss in February and revealed how the experience brought her and Joblon closer.

“It was just really amazing to have a partner who was relentlessly there for me and so supportive and fights his own pain to help me out through it all,” she said at the time. “It was really beautiful as well. Obviously what we went through was tragic, but it brought us so much closer together. And I think it’s difficult to say this, because I would have loved to have had the baby and the pregnancy work out, but I wouldn’t change it because I learned so much and it really strengthened our relationship.”