A lot has happened in Arie Luyendyk Jr.'s life since the real estate agent and race car driver broke off his engagement to Becca Kufrin and proposed to Lauren Burnham on "The Bachelor" last March. Luyendyk and Burnham have planned their upcoming wedding, scheduled for Jan. 12; traveled the world; and bought a new home.
In November, they shared very exciting news with their fans: They're expecting their first child.
As part of our Voices series, Luyendyk looks back on all the "great moments" he's experienced this year, including the day he discovered Burnham is pregnant.
What an incredible and life-changing year. I look back at my time on "The Bachelor" and it almost feels like it could have been five years ago — in reality, we finished shooting in January!
I became the Bachelor to much surprise of the public (and myself), and it was tough facing criticism throughout my journey. I made the decision of breaking off an engagement as I had a change of heart. These are just the simple facts, but there is so much more to this story.
I think former first lady Eleanor Roosevelt said it best: "Do what you feel in your heart to be right — for you'll be criticized anyway."
Don't pay your kids to clean their rooms. "If you give them a buck to make their beds, then when you ask them to help you carry in the groceries, they'll say, 'How much? Why would I do that for free when you pay me to make my bed?'" says author and parenting expert Alyson Schafer. You can give your child an allowance as an introduction to money management and possibly for overall good behavior. But don't tie it dollar-for-dollar to everyday chores.
In an ultra-produced show with so many moving parts, I found it hard to be myself. Ultimately, I made the wrong decision in front of millions watching at home. With space to think and time away from the show I knew where my heart belonged, and I am so thankful my now fiancée, Lauren, gave us a chance. I'm also thankful I took that leap.
I cannot even describe what it is like being the Bachelor. While filming, there is an immense pressure. Hundreds of people are involved in production and it all centers around you. As a person who doesn't like to be the center of attention, this weight is very real. The experience is unlike anything else in this world. You make unforgettable memories and after months of your life are documented, you wait eagerly to see how the show turns out.
“It’s quite illuminating that when you get to that age, the things you long for the most, the things that make you happiest are those close relationships with family and friends,” Sohn said. People measure happiness differently when they assess themselves in the moment than when they think about life retrospectively, Sohn said.
I always describe the experience as reading the best book you've ever read with all the beautiful details and moments you paint in your mind, then watching the movie version and leaving disappointed because so much was left out. This is how I describe my experience — the focus was on all the wrong parts in the book.
When it's airing, the entire world has an opinion on your personal life (as expected) but you're also reliving a life that was set months and months ago. "The Bachelor" films in the fall and airs in the winter/spring. The timeline is so odd, because the public is so invested in the decisions you made four months ago and it feels like, in a way, you're stuck in the past until finally the show is over and life goes back to some degree of normalcy (but not really).
Set Smart Limits
The day you finally break free of the franchise and can be a couple in public is so exciting. Lauren and I joked on "Jimmy Kimmel" that although we were engaged we hadn't even been out to dinner together in public. The reality is all the couples that meet on the show know each other in such an intimate way, but at the same time they don't know much about how daily life will be together. We couldn’t wait to be a "normal couple" and go out to the movies, grocery shop ... you know, the simple things.
Life since the show has been a wild and fun ride, and Lauren hasn't left my side since. Right when the show finished airing, we went to Iceland and Spain, and those are some of the fondest memories I have from this year. We were finally out in public and exploring the world together. I would catch myself looking at her when she wouldn't see me and I would think to myself that being with her is the best decision I've ever made in my life.
Shortly after, Lauren moved to Phoenix and we bought our first home together! I'm a realtor in Arizona so it was fun touring what feels like around 70 places before we picked a new construction in an older, established neighborhood. We wanted something that we could call ours for this next chapter in life. Lauren had moved from Virginia Beach and buying our house was a big moment for us as a couple.
Let your kids fail. To learn self-sufficiency, kids need to occasionally dust themselves off (literally and figuratively) without your help. "Most parents know what their children are capable of but step in to make things easier for them," says Sheri Noga, the author of Have the Guts to Do It Right: Raising Grateful and Responsible Children in an Era of Indulgence. Remember: Long-term benefits—a teenager who knows how to do her own laundry, for example—trump momentary discomfort. Before you rush in to help with any physical task, ask yourself: "Is my child in real danger?" Then—and this applies to other challenges, like the social studies poster due tomorrow—think about whether your child has the necessary skills (dexterity and balance) or simply adequate sleep and a snack. Yes? Time to back off and see what happens.
I still race about 10-15 races a year, so it was exciting to show Lauren that side of my life. It's such a big part of what makes me, me. We went all over from cities like Toronto all the way to Perth, Australia. I even won a race with her family there in Detroit, which was a big highlight for me.
Planning the wedding has been a big part of our year, too. Jan. 12, 2019, is right around the corner and although it's a private wedding, we’ll have some of our "Bachelor" family there to usher us into this next chapter of life.
So many great moments this year, but nothing compares to when Lauren and I found out she was pregnant. Lauren had been craving the funniest types of food (like meatballs in the morning!) and I sensed there was a change in her. She brushed it off but her friend had a few tests left over from when she was trying and she dropped one off at our house. Lauren took the test and went into the kitchen. I was in the bathroom and watched as that window changed to a plus sign. I immediately started to cry. I walked the test into the kitchen and told her, holding the test in my hand. Hilariously, Lauren was in complete shock/denial and we went to the grocery store to get ice cream (another hint) and five more tests just to be sure. We sat up happy and amazed at what's in store for us. Our life has been like a wonderful dream, and just when I thought I couldn't be any luckier, this news came into our lives.
"Everyone should have kids. They are the greatest joy in the world. But they are also terrorists. You’ll realize this as soon as they are born and they start using sleep deprivation to break you." - Ray Romano
It's so wild to think that just a year ago we were shooting a TV show and now we have this life together. Soon we'll be husband and wife and not too long after, we'll be parents in June. It seems so surreal in the absolute very best possible way.